There is just no way to keep pink tights clean.
This image is wrong.
I have searched, scoured and possibly begged the internet for the answer. I was convinced some mom, somewhere, figured out the magic oxy-clean and vinegar recipe to keeping pink tights clean. You know what the only sure-fire way to have clean pink tights is? Have a new pair of pink tights, still in the package, at the ready.
Just the obvious answer, staring me in the face and obvious enough to make my eyes roll. Grrrr… this past week has been full of obvious answers staring me in the face and because of exhaustion and hormones I’ve epically failed to see them. Just like pink tights that won’t stay clean, as days pass neither will your life.
Number one, don’t feel pretty? Don’t give yourself a hair cut with dirty dull scissors at work. Just don’t. Your back hurts. You’ve been snappy and desperate for chocolate. Why is it a surprise (again that) you are PMS-ing? As I watched from out of my body, the dull scissors about to snip away at an inch or more of hair from the front of my face, I could hear my mind thinking, “This is it! There’s no time, this has to be done right now. I know this is how to make me pretty.” Snip. Pause. Panic. Cry.
Rewind. There is time. Put down the scissors. Call your hair dresser. In my too late case, the hair cut that was provided by my hair dresser was actually really cute (results NOT typical), and while hair does grow back, it doesn’t always grow back as fast as we’d like. Take a moment before you cut. Ask yourself, where is your hairdressers number? Then immediately dial the number and make an appointment.
Surprisingly disturbingly accurate depiction of my new cut.
Number two, just give yourself that. There are days when everything is flipped and every good adult decision you try to make is wrong. (Examples in reverse order: cutting your own hair, not reading an unfamiliar dog right and getting bit, getting out of bed. You didn’t miss that, yup, I was bitten by a dog.) Maybe on this day doing something you would normally think wrong is the only thing on this day you will do right. That drunk purchase over the internet, in this rare instant, actually wasn’t a bad idea.
You’ve purchased a lot of other things sober that were stupider and didn’t make you feel better. No buyers remorse when your day of bad decision-making has you walking through the doors of retail therapy. Perhaps on this day you had to buy something right and that purchase is smartest thing you did all day, and if it’s the last thing you do before going to bed, then your day just got better. So, give yourself that.
Number three, your body is sore and tired. Get some sleep and recover. Don’t seek medical advice over the internet. According to the internet you don’t just have muscle twitches, you’re going to die a terrible twitching death. I can not explain to you how bad it is to seek answers on the internet about a weird twitch.
You’re tired. I’m tired. Let’s have a beer and get some sleep because while the internet may have convinced me and you that we are done for, like the South,