In every dance the commonality, no matter what the style or steps, are the spins. Spinning is a life long relationship. You will always, no matter what level of dancer you are, want (have to) to improve your spins; everyone loves a spinner. Ginger Rogers wasn’t a great spinner, and that’s why I love her. Everyone, even Ginger need(ed)s to work on their spins.
I remember being 5, my friends spinning and spinning until they’d get so dizzy they’d fall down. They would laugh. At 5, without having the real vocabulary to know what happened, I tried it and that was the day I learned about my “limits”. People say that my affliction stems from my inner ear, an imbalance of liquids; technically it’s something to do with something in my head. I like to see it as I twirl and twirl and twirl my brain starts to lag behind so like a top, even when I stop the brain is still spinning until, I, like a top, fall over and die.
It took me 10 years to learn how to spot. To put it another way, I suffered for 10 years wanting to wretch my guts out, burping while praying the room to stop turning. After every attempt at practicing a spot I’d wait until the next morning for that ucky horrible feeling to subside. The day that I could snap my neck around fast enough to bring my eyes back to a fixed point on a wall, I was already so dizzy and nauseated I couldn’t celebrate the moment.
It has taken me 10 years to have goals as a dancer. I now get how helpful they can be. I learned how to spot my goals and now the ballroom competition that I have been getting ready for is in 9 days. I’m not scared or stressed about that right now. I’m feeling more mellon collie then anything; in 9 days I won’t have a goal anymore, I will have to figure myself a new one.
In 9 days I will have to make the decision if I can continue to really compete because of the reality of the hefty price tag. I don’t know if I will be satisfied with the occasional winter showcase performance. I already know that I won’t. Who even knows if my body will be able to keep up with these goals. My body like the top has a way of falling over and dying. My list of injuries is getting ridiculous. (I shredded every tendon in my left ankle in a snow boarding accident. I can dislocate both shoulders whenever I want. I have 2 herniated discs and 1 that is desiccated. Now my knees are screaming and I don’t know why.)
I’ve been getting ready for this competition seriously for 5 months. I have had a great goal. I’m finally near the end of it and I am so nauseated with the thought of what comes next, I can’t even celebrate the moments. I have an amazing pink sparkly dress! Shouldn’t that make everything better? Yet my eyes can’t fix to a spot on the bedazzled mirror ball and that is just stupid. Clearly there is something wrong with my head.
I better enjoy it on the competition floor and I give it my all or I give all the amazing people who have been putting up with my sorry ass permission to smack me; in the face.